Trusting God Through a Long Dark Night

Often, trust doesn’t come easily for me, but last night it was all I had.

We had run out of Mama’s milk yesterday and reluctantly gave Leigha a bottle of formula that I had stashed in the cupboard for just a time as this. One bottle would hold her until Stevie would come. After finishing the formula, Leigha fell fast asleep.

She woke up an hour and a half later and began to vomit. She vomited again, and again, and again. She clearly was not tolerating the formula.

Leigha lay listlessly in my arms. She was not well. I held her tight and rocked her.

Stevie came and continued to rock her sweet daughter. The vomiting slowed and Leigha once again fell asleep. Not wanting to agitate Leigha's little belly, Stevie stayed for a time rather than scoop Leigha into her car seat and head home.

My imagination took over…“Why is she so listless? What if she is allergic to the formula and is having a negative reaction? Should we call the doctor? Bad things do happen! Should we try to wake her…after all, she’s been sleeping for hours. What about those articles I’ve read about infants that are unable to tolerate formula……the outcome was tragic.” I felt a panic inside, yet I had to keep it from Stevie.

Years ago, when babies and toddlers were all around me, this would not have been such an upset. But now…fear. Losing Jacob and holding his breathless body in my arms has instilled an anxiety in me that seems to be unshakeable. I often fear the worst, especially with my children...and now, Leigha.

After some time, Stevie wrapped her little sleeping babe and took her home. She promised to call me and let me know how Leigha was doing.

We talked several times and still Leigha slept. It had been hours.

I went to my room to pray. Within minutes, I was not alone. My family sat on my bed with me as we prayed for Leigha to be well. My tears sparked words of encouragement from everyone. “Mom, she’ll be ok.” “Mom, please trust God. He won’t let anything bad happen to Leigha.”

I got the kids off to bed and laid down myself, with the phone close by, waiting for it to ring. I tossed and turned. I checked the clock over and over again. I just couldn’t sleep. I just kept uttering the words, “Jesus I Trust in You.” I had to trust.

Early this morning I woke up to a little voice calling my name. Clara had come into my room just to be sure I was ok. Together, we went downstairs and snuggled on the couch and talked about Leigha and how excited we were to see her today and how much we loved her. It was a long night and the early morning seemed just as long...

Finally they arrived !

She is here. She is well. And, today, my arms can’t hold her tight enough.

Comments

[Meredith]

Donna, this took my breath away, thanking God that your sweet little Leigha is feeling fine again, and prayers for a (grand)mother's heart to be at peace. Love,

[Michele Q.]

Oh Donna bless your heart. I am so glad she is well. You know, I find the older I get the more I fear these kinds of things too. But you're right, all we can do is trust.

Love,
Michele

[MaryM]

Your story tugged on my heartstrings here.

[Ruth]

Thank God she's well. How scary!

[Mrs. Connor]

The other day, Baby Elle got her finger pinched in a cabinet by Aidan. She scrrreammmmed! and then what seemed like a minute later, she collapsed into sleep. I was a wreck. I thought that maybe she had somehow passed out from the pain, or worse!

They are just so little and precious that you can't help but think the worst sometimes. After your experience, it is only understandable that you would react that way.

I am so glad that she's OK. Leigha might be sensitive to the formula ... if she ends up supplementing, she might need a soy-based formula or something.

Hugs,
Denise