As 2006 comes to a close…
I was driving home early this morning watching the sun rise up over the mountain and found myself reflecting on many of the events of the past year. Tears filled my eyes as they so often do of late. "Please, not now Lord. Seems my eyes are always full of tears.”
I reflected on my oldest child, Jason, leaving home earlier this month. Yes, it was time, but none the easier. Though logic tells me that the goal was to have raised a son that is both independent and capable of living on his own, my maternal heart asks the questions…Will he be safe? Will he take care of himself? Will he be lonely? Will he turn to Jesus…always?
I also reflected on my oldest daughter, Stevie, who is planning new beginnings in her life. Recently engaged, she is busy planning a May wedding. She too will be leaving home soon and I wonder...how is this possible? She was just 10 years old, yesterday. Is she ready? Will she be happy? Will she turn to Jesus…always?
I thought of my best friend returning to work this past year, and how our time together had changed. For years we have home schooled our children closely…two peas in a pod…loving the outdoors more than anything, and spending as much time as possible at our favorite hang outs…the Rock Garden, Sandy Bottom, the Creek, the Preserve…anywhere that wasn’t contained by four walls. So much time spent building camp fires and catching crayfish. Now, we scarcely see each other. And, I miss her!
I thought of the joy that consumed me when finding out we were expecting, and then the sorrow of losing that child.
I thought of the break-up of a marriage within my family.
To me, my tears have always been a sign of weakness, at least I thought they were until a dear friend saw them from another perspective. She replied, “You've commented before about ‘crying over everything’ as though it is a shortcoming that must be removed. Here's another view—The gift of tears is the mark of a noble soul,” a quote she had read the night before, spoken by an Irish storyteller. Oh, how I pray those words are true.
I know the Lord is leading me to a place, and that sorrow and suffering are necessary to get there.
I know that my tears won’t always come as frequently as they have these past months. Weeping may stay for the night, but joy comes in the morning. (Psalm 30:5)
The journey may be hard. It may be arduous. But, I intend to follow.
My resolution for the new year ahead is to live each moment in the present, not dwelling on the past…only learning from it, and always looking towards the promises of the future, while keeping faith, hope, and most especially love, of greatest importance.
2007…is now here. This is a moment of new beginnings, and I plan to seize it!